Becoming

"There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to become a butterfly"

- R. Buckminster Fuller

With each son, from the very moment I knew of his existence, I began wondering who he would become. 

Would he be serious or easy to smile? Would he like books or bugs or both? Would he prefer salty or sweet? Would he have his Daddy's blue eyes? 

As they grow I feel like I see little glimpses of who they are becoming - one is an old-fashioned kind of guy, passionate about animals, nature and sports; another is full of ideas, loves to build and take apart, and is fascinated by the underwater world; the other is brave, driven, full of spit and swagger, a warrior with a lover's heart. 

I spend a lot of time wondering how these things will come together to make up the men that they will be - much the way I used to lie in bed at night and wonder who I would be. 

I have a feeling that my imaginings of who they will become are no closer to the fullness of the men in my future then my dreams of who *I* would become were. 

Thankfully, we aren't like the (many many MANY) caterpillars that are taking up temporary residence in my oldest boy's "Insectary." We don't do our becoming in one fell swoop. We don't go to bed a child and wake up an adult. 

And we aren't done becoming even when we are adults. 

At this moment, with this breath, I am, we are, becoming.... it's anyone's guess what. 

They are becoming their own... with thoughts and plans, dreams and desires that are theirs and theirs alone. 

I am becoming a little braver, more at ease, a little softer and grayer and more full with the knowledge that it's the journey and not the destination, it's the becoming and not the "became" that's the best part of being.